Fairytale Endings are only in Story Books

I can't even think properl, let alone write. I have found out that ACC clinical assessment of 'what's best for me' best on their analysis of my recent DATA is that I go to see a Psycologist, have 75% less time with my therapist who I have spent time building the relationship and trust. I'm not sure what else exactly. I haven't seen the actual report and I dont want to see it.
I've worked so hard to peel back all the bullshit, the alcohol and drug use, the cutting, the not so healthy relationships, practising my skills to keep myself safe. Two months ago I was finally ready to start working on the last and hardest of my PTSD symtoms. Getting raped again and again every night when I go to sleep. Irony, all the hard work up to now has been about peeling back those not so safe coping stratigies I had developed and used to be useful, peeling them back to get to the heart of the beast, so I could maybe be free of it. And I've just got there, or was there... and now with all ACC has done over the last weeks, and the way they have done it, I have none of those stratigies left and I am falling into the black hole.
Imagine what it is to relive being raped night after night when you go to sleep. The same event playing itself out.
It really comes down to quality of life. While there is hope there, or something that you can do then it is not right to be able to make any decision based on and 'absolute quality of life'...because that absolute does not yet exist. But what happens if is not a matter of running out of options but also running out of fight.
Maybe this is because more women than men seem to be victims of sexual assult. Maybe there is a long term aim to privatise all the health stuff and there is no room for someone like me in a Private Australian Insurance company. Maybe it could be that the clinicians that work for ACC have no where else to go, would if the could, and what would the reason for that be. These are the ones making life and death decsions, are they just incompetent fools, or puppets.

I'm broken for today. Exhausted. Heading for bed for a few hours sleep before getting woken from the nightmare of reliving the rape again.

Which way is up? Is this meant to be my story.