Band-Aid Medication

It's just starting to rain, fat & heavy drops. The sky is grey and the wind is howling through the trees outside my window.

So on Thursday last week I realised that I would run out of 2 of my medications in a couple of days, Saturday to be precise. And it's rather important to be precise when it comes to medication for the mentally ill (like me I guess). So I rung one of my treatment provider's, and spoke to the Receptionist and spelt out the names of the Meds, and explained that they would need to be faxed, not posted, because I would need to pick them up either tomorrow or the next day (which was either Friday or Saturday then). My chemist is closed on a Sunday you see, which is fine, there is one across the road that is open 7 days, but they arn't as nice. And for someone like me, who gets the 'High-user Healthcare Card' 2 weeks into the year... and as well some who is well, extra sensitive sometimes, it's nice to have a nice Pharmacist. So I then gave them the Chemist's name, address and fax number (even though I knew it was already in my file somewhere, it's nice to be helpful); And then before I got off the phone, just said again how I only had 2 days worth left (cause I'm an anxious, insecure mess most of the time these days, I may as well be honest).

So late Friday morning I walked up to the Chemist and no scripts had come through for me. That was okay, you know it's actually not all about me, and things don't always happen instantaneously, I had a chat with one of the girls in there about the storm that was meant to be hitting over the weekend. I left saying that I would just come back tomorrow and get it.

So Saturday, the Chemist shuts at 2pm I think, so I have to make sure I get there before that if I am going. And I am, or I was... so I go up, and they don't have any fax scripts for me. Now luckily I know that there is a pretty good chance that I can explain the situation and they may choose to give me enough medication to see me through until Monday. So now I need to start explaining, wondering whether or not 'it's ok', whether I sound like a lying drug seeker, or a person who has run out of their med's and the treatment provider forgot to send the fax. My chest gets very tight. The Pharmacist listens, and then gives me 2 days worth and say's 'See you Monday then'. I walk home, tears streaming down my cheeks from I don't know what, feeling stupid somehow that I can't understand or describe.

So then Monday comes, yesterday. And I am not going to risk ACTUALLY going into the chemist unless that script is there... because it will just be too overwhelming... and then I think that if it will be remembered and faxed, it probably won't happen early in the day, so I wait until 3pm and then phone the chemist and ask if there has been a script come through. No.
Crap.

I've had about 45mins sleep in the last 48hrs and my head is a bit spastic. I rang the chemist today at lunchtime and they still didn't have a fax, and I don't think it's very safe for me to go another 24hours... so I tentatively phone the Receptionist, explain the situation, and ask for the Treatment Provider to phone. That was a few hours ago. So an hour ago I rang the chemist... still nothing... only a couple of hours till closing, starting to panic. I just phoned back and the Receptionist said she just faxed it through.... I asked if there was a message or did they say they were going to call... she didn't think so.

I'm not angry at anyone. All my Treatment Provider's are wonderful people, who time and again have shown compassion and patience towards me, but who are also human, are busy, and surprise surprise - it's not all about me, I know that.

I'm just feeling down about trying to manage a problem with medication that needs more than just the band-aid that med's provide. Sometimes a band-aid is a good thing so healing can have a chance to happen... just feel frustrated with what has happened with my healing.

I have a mental illness, I am clean and in recovery from addiction, but am reliant on meds. I have trust and faith that in my Treatment Provider's, but there are more side-effects to meds than just the physical I guess is what I am trying to say.

Gotta wrap up warm and head out to the chemist now. Molly has been limping lately when it is cold (she was run over about 3 1/2 years ago and her back knee was re-built)... so will leave her at home even though I feel a bit safer when I go out and she is with me - not that she'd probably know how to even do anything to anyone if they tried to hurt me, she is such a wuss!

Hope everyone out there (in my computer) is doing okay, is keeping warm and safe in these trying times.