Last Post

My neighbor's house just got broken into and robbed, sometime over the last 24hours. They were away, not there, and the front door has been smashed in and stuff stolen. We are down a right-of-way, a private drive, so to be able to see who is home or not you would need to come all the way down. Maybe the fact that I have all the lights on all night saved it from being my place they broke into.

I don't think I am going to write in this blog anymore, I think over the last month with making this blog public, being on twitter, and doing that article I have tried to convey 'how thing's are' as best as I can. I don't think it's a good idea for me to keep blogging intimate details of my disfunction. Firstly I am having trouble writing anyway, and I don't want to sound like a broken record either. I also don't want to do more harm than good by giving the impression to other's out there that may be survivors of sexual abuse or trauma that 'where I am' is 'how it's meant to be' or 'where you have to end up' by choosing to be honest about something that may have happened.

Thank you for the support and kindness of those who have read it though, and I am going to leave it all online so that maybe if ACC want to see the effects of how they handled my claim they can have a look. I just want to make it clear as well that there is a difference between me holding ACC accountable for the choices and behaviour around my care and claim AND me blaming ACC for how things are for me. One of the most important things that I have gleaned through my journey of recovery that no matter what it is there is no point in BLAME. I am not up to totally explaining this right now, but there is a difference between the two, but accountability and blame are very different.
There is much more documentation (that I wanted to be able to put up here) from ACC that does not show the way they have treated me in a favourable light, some of it is disgusting actually. When I requested my case file in October and finally received it weeks later I was going through one of there assessments and scrawled on the side in pencil were the notes from one of ACC's top attack dog Psychiatrists 'perhaps she is re-writing history'. Even now I feel like I have been punched in the stomach every time I re-read it or think of it. The only way they/this person could have gone further would have been to write 'Danielle is a lying little slut', cause it pretty much felt like that was what was written.
Anyway, I'm going to stop writing, right!

I don't understand what is going on right now in my life, but there have been times when bad things have happened before, I am not religious but I do believe in a Higher Power & I do my best to believe that my Higher Power is a caring one rather than a vengeful one (with the hope that when these things happen that it is not because I am being punished in some way, or am deserving of punishment). These are a few words that I say to myself in the dark times and the good.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

Take my will and my life
Guide me my recovery
And show me how to live



If you haven't seen Sicko I recommend watching, and I hope and pray that this is not becoming applicable in New Zealand.

If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual abuse, sexual trauma or rape a really good place to start is with New Zealand Rape Crisis, or with Sexual Abuse HELP, I find it hard to believe in this day and age, but I know the first time I was raped and beaten that the Police asked me if I wanted to try and go to Women's Refuge, but beyond that for a long time I didn't have any idea that there was anyone that I could talk to about what had happened to me.

If you want to help click HERE, or HERE, or HERE, or HERE.